Kicking off a genuine conversation with kids around attention can feel awkward, and even hard. But, a solid starting place can make all the difference. After some trial and error, my favorite way to begin is by opening up space for kids to share what they already think and wonder.

Try these starter questions with a kid you love, and let them show you what they know. This is a learning community. So, if you’re up for it, you can also add kids’ voices to our a10d research!

The backstory

The a10d idea was inspired by many different inputs: interactions with our kids and their friends; conversations with friends; professional dialogue; galvanizing books— from The Anxious Generation to The Breakthrough Years; and (all too often) alarming headlines.

But one moment that, perhaps more than any other, moved us to action was a conversation that my 13 year old started with me about media. They initiated because they noticed I “seemed worried they were watching bad stuff,” and they wanted me to see a bit of content “they really loved.”

This conversation was a marvelous chance to meet one another in a new space of shared expertise. My kiddo assumed their role as an expert in kids’ lived experience. I, in mothering and teaching.

The chat also gifted me with a few reminders of really important things I was kind of missing in all of my urgency.

First, it’s never a simple story. To be productive, our shared narrative has to be more than, “technology is dangerous, and it was all so much simpler/better/easier when mom was a kid.”

Second, kids are living this, and they are adapting. Those adaptations are remarkable, often happen faster than our own, and deserve our attention and acknowledgement—just as kids’ vulnerabilities deserve our support and protective measures.

Third, and perhaps most importantly, kids’ voices have to be at the center of any work we do to ready them for the future.

How it went

Inspired by this first conversation, I compiled a set of prompts. I then tried them out with my youngest (10 at the time), recording the conversation this time. Then, I asked a handful of other parents with kids ages 10-14 to try the same.

They talked with their kids, and some even recorded and shared the discussions back. As if kids’ ideas weren’t cool enough, hearing kids’ insights in their own voices gives me chills.

So, these handful of recordings were the start of what is becoming a fascinating archive of kids’ perspectives about attention in this moment. Hear a few of the insights kids have shared so far:

How it works

Want to try this out with a kid(s) you love? You can download a list of questions, then use it however feels most helpful.

Some parents and caregivers have appreciated the idea of being part of the ongoing research. They follow the interview script, record the interview, then add the recording to our archive.

Others bypass the interview directions and just use the questions as prompts for a conversation with their kid(s).

Why it works

You may be talking with your own kids about their attention regularly. I really wasn’t–at least not as deeply as they were able and interested in going. And, even if you are, attention is complicated, nuanced stuff. Giving intentional prompts, then slowing down to listen to kids—to hear what they think, wonder and hope—can jump start marvelous exchanges.

Let us know

No matter how you use this set of prompts, please comment to let us know what you think. Have ideas for how to adapt or improve them? We’re all ears, and we’ll keep updating the script to reflect insights from you and our a10d community.

We’re grateful for each young voice that contributes to this work!

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